I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
