I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
