my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
