we're blogging at a bar
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
