Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
