u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Found the puke drawer
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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