i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
