Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
