I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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