dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
