Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
