I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
you had me at cake vodka
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
