yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
