Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Randomize
