The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
