jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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