some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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