Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
there is glitter all over my balls
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
