please come you make the beer taste better
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
