Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
