just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Randomize
