i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
