like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
