You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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