just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
