Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Randomize
