there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Randomize
