hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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