i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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