My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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