Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
