He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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