16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
