I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
