I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
