Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
