this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
