First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
