I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
