maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
