you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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