If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
