I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
