it hurts more in the daytime
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
tequila makes me forget i have legs
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
