He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
