I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
he thought i was a dude.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
