the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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