Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I know her cup size but not her name....
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
