and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
