Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
