i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
